In Search of Kingdom Living

 As I progressed from childhood to adolescence, I remained steadfast in my dedication to my Christian community. In my youth, I began serving in my church fellowship while simultaneously hanging out with a group of non-Christians in my high school, Sir. John A. MacDonald Collegiate Institute . I would soon begin to serve several years in my fellowship leadership committee. At the same time, my non-Christian friends would come to introduce me to new questions about life and purpose that were never raised in my Christian education.

Sometime in early grade ten, I would play the key role of Bible study leader in my fellowship group. Due to the combination of my socialization in high school, my duty as Bible study leader to seek out new materials to study, and my natural inquisitiveness, I had begun to question the validity of my Christian faith. This would lead me to read many books about Christian apologetics by authors such as Paul E. Little and Josh McDowell. At the same time, I was beginning to attend large evangelistic events and had even made official rededications by declaring a renewal of my faith by signing pledge cards. In the end, I found the plethora of Christian books, conferences, and evangelistic meetings to be wanting. In fact, I found greater perceived truth in my developing relationships with my non-Christian friends and our natural conversations about life rather than the standard talks discussed in church.

Influential Teachers

During this part of my life journey, I sought to be more educated from friends rather than teachers. Although I was in the advanced program at school, I was not studying very hard and yet earned very good grades. I felt that most teachers did not engage me as a learner and their methods of teaching were quite rigid and cumbersome. In fact, I would only point to two teachers that had a fair amount of influence on me primarily because of their great relationships with students.

First, there is Mr. Brabaharan who taught me multiple math courses. Although his style of teaching was quite typical, he had a great rapport with students. In fact, when my math class returned for our graduation ceremony, he took us out for a drink at the local bar. I felt that by the end of high school, he wanted to treat us all as friends.

Second, there is Ms. Kivesto who was conductor of my string class for four years. Because I have been playing violin since I was a child, I quickly became concert master of the orchestra. Due to my heavy involvement with the music program, I spent a lot of time with fellow musicians and Ms. Kivesto before and after school. Ms. Kivesto cared deeply about her chosen profession and her subject matter, and challenged us to develop a similar passion for music.

Reflection on my Adolescence

My time in high school was one of crisis and questing. I attempted to find the truth in a variety of worldviews and ways of living. I was ultimately looking for a narrative that would ring true. I was seeking a kind of life (and the truth claims and beliefs associated with it) that was real and authentic and could endure a sustained dialog with my questions. At this point, the church could not uphold such a dialog, so I took up my stance of non-belief. This became a continued duration of crisis where I gradually turned away from God due to the inadequate teachings of my church.

A Baptism at the end of High School

As time progressed in my latter years of high school, I began to dissolve my objections to the Christian faith. I didn’t require answers to all my questions in order to hold reasonable belief. My own personal struggle with believing the Christian faith led me to a renewed openness to my childhood beliefs. My baptism day took place during the Christmas service in 1999. As per tradition, each candidate would share briefly about their faith journey leading up to the point of baptism. I shared about my struggles with doubt and ultimately reaffirmed my trust and belief in Jesus and the Christian faith. Ultimately, I chose to share the verse of Revelation 3:16, understanding that I no longer wanted to be lukewarm in my belief, but wanted to pursue a relationship with God wholeheartedly. In hindsight, this act of baptism became very symbolic for me as a learner in the Christian faith.